jaseherondale: childrapist666: edwad: jaseherondale: Did you know that in Australia it’s five times more likely that you’ll pick a partner based on humour rather than looks so if you’re ugly but a hilarious motherfucker then you’re almost guaranteed love yea but have u ever seen an ugly australian i am waiting for an ugly australian to add their selfie to this post pls do it is...
they-call-me-wonder-woman: h0odrich: It’s mad depressing when u eat the last piece of candy but you didn’t look at the bag and realize it was the last one so you could truly appreciate it for what it was worth This speaks to me on a deep emotional level.
dippingswordsinmetaphors: you know when you listen to a song a whole bunch of times and there is that one line that you never understand and then one day heaven above opens and shines the light and you finally know the words and it’s like an epiphany
me: i'm just going to rest my eyes for 5 minutes.
me: wakes up march 27th, 2098.
ghore: I’m on a new diet called don’t fucking look at me
clavid: clavid: on the bright side i am not addicted to crack cocaine
lookinforhotbf: i had a dream i was a princess and then i woke up and i still am
professordumbeldore: professordumbeldore: do you have 67 protons because you’re a If anyone else reblogs this I will cry for eternity
kordova: suddenly overhearing people talking about a thing you like
daddyfuckedme: wouldn’t it be cool if jellyfish floated around in air instead of water but they didn’t sting you instead they gave you little kisses and rubbed your forehead with their tentacles
spookymormon: spookymormon: my mom always texts me rude things so ive just started replying with an emoji of an eggplant and it gets her so pissed it’s great
me: you are so fucking annoying can you please CONTROL YOURSELF
blein: sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS...